Friday 17 May 2013

Is it ok if I call you?

The following questions made me the saddest I have felt all year.  "Can I have your number" followed by "Is it ok if I call you?".  I wasn't propositioned at a bar and there was no sleazy men.  It was my pop asking.  I couldn't believe it, he didn't want to bug me but just wanted to keep in touch.  This conversation broke my heart a little.  What had happened over the past few years that my poppy, a man who had known me before I knew myself, didn't think he could call me? 

Was it the rush of me moving from Canberra to Melbourne?  The somewhat surly teenage years? The portrayal of my generation?  Whatever it was I could not stand it.  I have never spoken to my grandparents everyday but I often hand write them letters and try to go to their major birthdays.  This day of sadness for example was on my pops 80th birthday.  But somewhere in between I had somehow lost my sense of approachability, by my family, the shame!  the sadness! the confusion...

I quickly assured this beautiful man that of course he could call me, write to me and come and stay with me.  And I could see the joy in his eyes.  This offer had always been clear to me but not him, I obviously had not been apparent in my affection and wanting to be close.  Since this day I have spoken to him every week, and made the effort to speak to my other grandparents and for that matter all family members, emailing aunties, having drinks with cousins, valuing my family.  But no matter what happens now, or how often I speak to my dear pop, I will never forget the look in his eye or the tone of his voice when he asked if he could call me, and because of this I'm going to call him right now...


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